After 25 years of ministry as missionaries in Japan, my wife and are heading home. We have had 25 great years in Japan, and it has been a fulfilling ministry. 25 years is not as long as some missionaries stay on the field, but I was 39 when I arrived. It is HARD learning a difficult language like Japanese at middle age!

My wife and I had some ups and downs in the ministry here, but the downs were teaching experiences, as most people will say. Only for us, God took us in a way that our organization was headed before our organization headed in this direction. We learned beforehand how powerful the Holy Spirit is at teaching new believers, without the constant oversight of missionaries or pastors at the beginning. And lots of people (churches) did not like things that involved change from the ordinary, but we persevered with joy in our hearts.

Japan is listed in some circles as being basically “unresponsive” to the gospel – with approximately 1/2 of 1% as being believers. Evangelical missionaries and organizations have been in this country over 150 years.

We have not used conventional means, and going back 15 years, we found that the Japanese were, and are, capable of expanding the gospel among themselves. We have seen three different groups that we started expand into four and five generations of Christians, as in the 2 Timothy 2:2 principle. And one of the groups were among homeless — led by one that we were blessed to train. Part of our vision was that of viewing God’s greatest resources — not the missionary, or church support monies, or pastors, but the individual believers that God led to us. (A church’s greatest resource is not the pastor, not the money, not the building but the people in the pew. Use them, equip them, give them vision, send them out!)

We are leaving behind both nationals and GCCs who have found that they can witness, they can equip, they can train and they can have and lead bible studies and messages, as well as baptize. It doesn’t have to depend on the missionary or pastor to expand the Kingdom. We also have worked with a few missionaries who don’t mind stepping out of the box and trying something different. The one key that we find is that a person must have vision, passion and focus to expand the Kingdom. If you have those, people will want what you have.

I visited and talked with a young missionary two weeks ago who lives about two hours from me. He was disappointed in most missionaries and pastors who come to accept slow response in Japan as a matter of fact. I left him (and also my fellow workers) with these words: Don’t let the unresponsiveness determine your joy, passion or vision. Let your passion, vision and joy come from Jesus. When you do this, others will notice! The vast majority of the work that we have done, and the people that we have worked with and partnered with — came from people seeking us out by email, phone calls, coming to our house or where we happened to be going. When the joy of the Lord is your strength, people will notice. When your passion and vision are determined by Who you know, and not the circumstances you are in, people will notice . . . as was with Paul!

We have had a great time; we have seen many baptized, and we have seen many nationals equipped and prepared to advance the Kingdom. While we have been VERY joyful of those that we led to the Lord, the greatest joy has come from seeing them witness, train and equip those that they led to the Lord, and then they did the same, and so on. I once heard a sermon that had this in the message: The greatest success a parent can have is to raise their children to love someone else more than they (the children) love the parents. When your child loves his/her spouse as the most important person (over the parents) then the parents have been successful. My wife and I are not expecting new believers to look back at us, but out into the harvest and advance the Kingdom. That is the reward for us! That is what we are seeing. It is not a huge force yet, but is quite significant.

I just saw my wife already shared this, but I have to share it too because, although it hasn’t impacted me as much as it has her, it has still had a profound impact on our life and family.

Back in July, my wife was diagnosed with an auto-immune connective tissue disease. This could have been one of a half-dozen things, rheumatoid arthritis among others I can’t pronounce, much less spell. She had a painful lump on her wrist, and blood work from the doctor indicated it was most definitely a connective tissue disease and that the specialist would tell us which one, and what we needed to do. Of course, this was shocking and terrible news… health is a vital concern, and it hit all of us quite hard.

The specialist appointment was made for October 4th, so we had a long time to wait. That time could either be spent in dread of the news to come, or in proactive prayer and proclamation of the goodness of God. We chose the latter, and the first Tuesday we could after we found out, we were at the church prayer service to have her prayed over. Within two days, the painful lump on her wrist was gone. Over the next few months, she was prayed over at the ladies group, and responded to an altar call for healing at the church evening service this last Sunday. We were digging in as deep as we could!

Yesterday we went to the specialist. She was in the office for 20 minutes. When she came out, I had no idea if we were coming back for more tests or whatnot, but she came out glowing! She said the doctor looked at her like she was crazy as he poked and prodded at her finger joints and her wrist. He then told her that her wrist was perfect, that she most definitely did not have a connective tissue disease, and that he would likely never see her again.

Praise God, He did a wonderful thing for our family! I don’t know if her disease was healed after that first Tuesday prayer, if it was sometime in between, or if it was last Sunday. And it doesn’t even matter when it was, all that matters is she is healed, God is faithful, and His tender mercies have touched us.

You know, other answers to prayer can sometimes lead to doubt. If you pray for a job and then get one, is it because you prayed or because you put out a few hundred resumes and applications? Sometimes we rationalize away the great thing God has given to us. But with healing, especially for a disease, you can’t rationalize it away. It is a miracle. There is no science involved. God got involved because we asked Him to, and He was faithful to hear, and merciful to heal. Thank You Jesus, so very much, for this beautiful gift you have given to us. I pray that we never forget it, never belittle it, and use it to share Your love with others that need it and to be drawn even closer to You. We owed you EVERYTHING before this, and now You have beggared us yet again by giving us even more. Thank You!

I was diagnosed in July with Connective Tissue Disease because of a large bump on my wrist. It scared me, but I could not get into the specialist for 2 and 1/2 months. So my family was praying, my church was praying, I had everyone I could think of put me on their prayer list. When I went into see the specialist yesterday, the doctor said not only did I not have Connective Tissue Disease but that my wrist was perfect! That was the word he used! Praise God, thank you Lord that you are bigger then everything!!

“For He will deliver the needy when He cries,
The poor also, and him who has no helper.
He will spare the poor and needy,
And will save the souls of the needy.
He will redeem their life from oppression and violence;
And precious shall be their blood in His sight.” (Ps 72:12-14, NKJV)

The above was part of my Bible reading guide this morning and it spoke volumes due to what we had done yesterday. Yesterday, we had put on a BBQ in probably the roughest neighbourhood in our inner city, a free BBQ to feed the homeless, helpless, and the less fortunate. Why did we do this? Because we love God, and we know He loves these people and street people are of value as well (which the above verse definitely indicates!), and they deserve to be shown the same dignity and respect that we are all accustomed to.

This is the third year this event has been put on, and preparation for it began months ago. There were preparations in the natural, of course, soliciting donations for the event, but there were also preparations in the spiritual realm. Twice we had done prayer walks around the field, just praying that God would do what He does best: meet with people, transform people, that His Spirit would be there in a very real way. As organizers, we had prayed together and individually for this thing for weeks beforehand.

Yesterday morning I was up at six in the morning, preparing to be down at the site for eight in the morning to begin setup. That morning I was reading from the book of Acts, and the works of the early church inspired me for the day. What powerful things the early church had done! What beautiful adoration to God, to His Word, to His divine purpose! What a humbling thing to try and recreate by the work we were doing!

The BBQ was an absolute success. Despite little technical setbacks early on that, in the grand scheme of things, really amounted to nothing, we had an opportunity to feed at least 500-700 people. Local media was out, so we got a few seconds of exposure on the local TV stations (keep reading to see the clips) and there should be an article in the local newspaper regarding it as well. It was a hot day, up to 24C and many of us got sun burnt. We gave away so much, a thousand hot dogs and a thousand hamburgers, brand-new clothes that were donated, pillows, donuts, fruit, chips, pop, bottles of water. Thank you to the many companies that supported us and gave freely to the event, and thank you to the many volunteers that helped. God bless you all!

Now that the natural results have been described, I need to describe the spiritual. And this is what made this day so exciting, so powerful, and so exhausting. As I said, we were praying for weeks before the event and even driving down, the music in the car was off, and I was praying for the BBQ, for the volunteers, for the food, for the people that were coming to the event. And God moved in an absolutely powerful way! Thank You God that You listen to the heart-felt prayers of Your people who are striving to be obedient and do Your will! There is so much to describe, so it may be a bit disjointed — please bear with me.

First and foremost, there was such a sense of joy among the volunteers. There were no arguments, no one complained about having to do more than others, or do something they didn’t like. We were united in one purpose. There were smiles everywhere, people were so welcoming to those coming through the line to be fed, there was a genuine servanthood evident. There was such complete _peace_ in that place. You need to understand that these are people who are accustomed to a life of strife and fighting, that literally fight over scraps of food. Yet it was so peaceful in the field. There was no striving for places in line. They were patient, despite the heat, and they were grateful for the food. They were polite, thankful. To put this in perspective, I drove off-site around 2:30 in order to get some coffee. Not even a block away I saw two men yelling at each other and fighting. When we were loading the left over supplies into the church at 6:00 there were young men and women, right before the doors of the church (which is also right in the middle of downtown) fighting and swearing and arguing. But in that place, at that time, there was complete and utter peace. No fighting, no arguing, no dissension.

I believe with all of my heart that God put His angels around that field as a hedge of protection. As we walked around and prayed for that field in the weeks leading up to the BBQ, and on the day of the event as we prayed, I believe God anointed that piece of land for His purpose while we were there. We prayed for protection and we got it. We prayed for peace, we prayed that the ground would be saturated with the blood of Jesus, that the Holy Spirit would overshadow that field and we received all of these things.

I remember a half dozen of us were behind the stage when the first pastor was preaching and we were crying out to God for repentance and open ears and open hearts and open minds. We cried out to God on behalf of the people, that the Holy Spirit would use the pastor’s mouth to speak life to these people. And we were rewarded with about a dozen people coming forward to the altar to be prayed for and receive Bibles.

Later in the afternoon a few us were getting ready to go off-site to clean up garbage. We had put it off to wait for someone who was supposed to come with us, and so we waited about an extra 20-30 minutes. Right when we were about to go (despite the person we were waiting for not coming back), preaching began and there was such an anointing that fell that we knew cleaning up the garbage of the streets around us was secondary to cleaning up the people before us, so we went into the crowd of people instead and just talked to people, showing them they were of value, speaking life into their lives, and just providing an ear to listen to them. Many people were prayed for, many seeds were planted.

After that, we had another pastor preaching and at the end of his message, he asked people who wanted to receive prayer to just put up their hands. I was at the front watching the sound board, having sat down for the first time in probably six hours, and I looked out and one man caught my eye. His hand was up and I felt led to go over to him and as the pastor was praying, I just stood behind him, put my hand on his shoulders and prayed. After the prayer was done I was able to sit with him and talk to him about how much Jesus loved him, how much value He had before God, and just really inspire him and lift him up. I told him about the inner city church, and he said he had a friend that went there and had asked him to go. I encouraged him to go, and I pray that he did go this morning, or will go this evening.

It was a long day of praying and interceding for people, and then there was the cleanup. Tearing everything down and hauling it back to the church was a job and a half, and we had less people to help with the tear-down than we did for the setup. Thank you so much to those who stuck around to help bring all this stuff back to the church! We were all tired and exhausted but we did it with a cheerfulness I don’t know if you would find anywhere else. And when that was said and done, we had another divine appointment waiting when we got back to the field. At this point, the field was empty, and all that was left were dirty BBQs waiting to be loaded up and taken away.

But with the five of us there, we had a man come over trying to sell us some shoes. He was obviously a street person, and not one of us really had a need for shoes (despite them being really nice shoes!). But my friend, God bless him, offered to buy the shoes if he could talk to the man for a few minutes about Jesus. You could see his back get rigid and he got defensive, but he was willing, so the two of them went off for at least 20 minutes. Then they came back, we chatted a bit, and then someone asked if we could pray for him. At this point, he had his $30 for the shoes and could have declined, but I know he was there by divine appointment and he was willing. I don’t know if he expected something short and sweet, but there were five of us and we all prayed over him… we covered him for at least 15 minutes and the Holy Spirit was definitely there. We poured God’s love over him, our love over him, the Holy Spirit’s wisdom and guidance and discernment. We covered him the blood of Jesus and prayed that his heart would be changed and that he too, would find his way the next day to church, and that the enemies lies would be exposed for what they were. He was told in no uncertain terms that the shoes meant absolutely nothing to us, but that we had a deep and sincere desire to minister to his spirit, that the money meant nothing to us. He left with his money, and thanked us for the prayers. I sincerely hope he made his way to the church this morning as well; I pray that the Holy Spirit ordered his steps because I know that he was there by divine appointment. God had His hand in the whole day, and this meeting was no exception, no coincidence.

I got home at 8:30 last night, over 12.5hrs after leaving that morning. It was an exhausting day: physically and spiritually. But it was also one of the most beautiful days I’ve experienced, and despite what God did for the people that we served, I know that He was pouring His love into me — not necessarily love for _me_, but sharing His love for His children, for the people that live on the streets, the people that most would discount as non-people, people of no value. He was giving me His love for them so that it would become _my_ love for them! I know that a gratefulness for God Himself and a love for people was birthed in me yesterday, and it spilled over this morning.

Despite a good 9hrs of sleep and still being exhausted this morning, and feeling that I couldn’t give God what He deserved at church this morning, I was completely and utterly abandoned in worship to my almighty Lord and Saviour Jesus. The Holy Spirit visited me so powerfully that if I could have I would have knelt in the aisle and wept with joy before my God. As it was, I stood with arms raised and wept before Him, declaring my love for Him and the awesome privilege that He gave me to be able to do His work yesterday. Jesus, I love you so much, and thank You for the most awesome privilege of being able to serve a people so dear to Your heart! Thank You!

And the message this morning really struck me, as it was about the fruit of repentance, or the true signs of a Christian believer. And the first of the three fruit was being generous and compassionate. How amazing that this message came a day after the service we had done! (Have you ever noticed that God affirms His work in your life through the ministry of the Word? I sure have!) A true Christian will display the fruits of generosity and compassion to people, as John the Baptist said:

“So the people asked him, saying, “What shall we do then?” He answered and said to them, “He who has two tunics, let him give to him who has none, and he who has food, let him do likewise.”” (Luke 3:10-11, NKJV)

I count myself privileged that God saw fit to use me yesterday, and I may myself available for continued. He blessed my heart yesterday, truly, and my reward this morning was to feel Him so powerfully to the point where I felt like I couldn’t contain it anymore. Thank You Jesus so much that You love me and care for me, and that You are continuing to shape me into a vessel of honour that can be poured out to bless Your people!

The following video clips are from the news yesterday. We got a little bit of coverage, but sadly they didn’t keep any of the parts talking about God. Truly this was done in His service, for His honour and His glory. And while the media might not acknowledge that, every person who was there yesterday, from those giving their testimonies and those putting ketchup on a bun, to those who received food for their bellies and their spirits, _they_ know that this was done all for the sake of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Thank you again, to all the volunteers that helped out. I had a lot of family out to help, and I’m so proud of them for being willing to give of themselves to this cause. I’m grateful to my little girl who handed out water and pop with such enthusiasm and generosity; you make me so proud. And to my lovely wife who gave of herself the whole day, serving people and talking and listening, bless you for doing what God has called you to do. I feel such a pride for my family, yet I am humble before my God who counted me trustworthy enough yesterday to minister to people. What a privilege!

The last five months have been… interesting, exciting, wild, stretching, and growing. God has been moving in amazing ways and I believe it all turned around because we were obedient to Him and did what He asked of my wife and I. This is a bit of a long story, but to give some background, my wife and I had gone through presbytery four years ago and had an amazing and somewhat frightening/exciting Word spoken over us. For those that don’t know what presbytery is, it’s when you fast and pray and seek God and have prophets speak God’s Word over you. For some, it provides life direction, for some it gives insight into the future that God has planned for you, for some it’s just plain old encouragement. If you’ve never been to a prophetic meeting like this, it really is something to behold. The Holy Spirit moves in ways that can’t even be described. Re-reading the word spoken over us still brings tears to my eyes and chills down my spine.

Without getting into it overly much (because there is a lot), the main thrust of the word was that we were going to be deeply rooted in the House of God, and that we would be involved with people. We would have a heart of evangelism, and a hunger in our spirit to see God’s Will done in the earth. That we would go up against the enemy and not be afraid and, just as importantly, have a God-given power over the enemy. That our home would be open, that we would get involved in discipleship and mentoring and getting involved in people’s lives. That we would have a spirit of outreach.

These are beautiful things to hear, but for someone who doesn’t really like people, this wasn’t really what I wanted to hear. I’m not really a people person, and I’m also very cynical and critical of people; part of that has to do with my personality, and part of that is due to my job and its lack of social interactions. My passion for God was most definitely there, but my passion for people was… pretty lacking. My wife is the complete opposite. She loves people, but being told we would be coming up against dark kingdoms really concerned her. I’ve had a past that dealt with spiritual warfare, so I can’t say I was comfortable with it, but it wasn’t scary because I know how powerful God can be in those situations.

So for four years this prophetic word has been remembered and forgotten, ignored and cried out for… but all things are in His timing. And just before last Christmas, He brought us to a whole new level of faith, passion, worship… and looking back now, we can pin-point to exactly when He started unfolding His plan for us.

It began with our nephew, who was 18 and leading a life not at all pleasing to God. He was not living at home, and he was involved with a girl that we had been told was being abused at home (she was 17). We had them over for dinner and were trying to help them, encourage them, and speak to them; he was looking for work and was going to get an apartment so he could take care of her and get her out of her (abusive) home. I had such a strong feeling that we needed to bring her into our house, but I didn’t say anything about it. I told God that if this was from Him, it needed to come from my wife. Well, a few weeks later we were talking about the kids and what was going on, and she brought up the idea of her staying with us, and then I told her what I had been feeling. And she talked to her mother, and she also said that she was thinking the same thing but didn’t want to suggest it since it wasn’t her place.

After that we extended the invitation. Keep in mind that at this point we hardly knew the girl and had no idea what we were getting into. We only knew that God wanted us to do this, and we prayed and sought His Will and everything we prayed that would tell us this was from Him came to pass. This was going to be a major disruption to our small family unit, but we wanted to be obedient. As the date was fast approaching, talking with my nephew, we knew there was some serious spiritual baggage here as well. She was adopted at a young age (four or five) and was given up by a mother who was into witchcraft and paganism. She saw her birth mother occasionally and received crystals and other new age items from her. And a witch’s spellbook.

At this point, I started praying overtime because I did NOT want that in my home. However God wanted to ensure it didn’t get into my home, I was praying that it would stay out. At the same time I confessed that the book had no power in my home, so if it did make it in there, it would be dead words with no power. At the same time, I wasn’t supposed to know about this book, so I didn’t want to call her out on it. I had to trust that God would do what was right for our family.

After about a week we were talking about Christianity and alternate religions and she mentioned that she had a spellbook, and this was where I tensed. But, praise God, she said she had left it at her parents’ place because she didn’t feel it would be appropriate to bring it here (she very much knew we were Christian). Hallelujah!

We were prepared to have her as part of our family for a long time to come. We didn’t have overly strict rules, but having a young daughter — there were things we just could not permit. Sadly, the living situation only lasted for a month, at which point we had to ask her to leave due to certain behaviours and the poor choices she was making. At that point I can’t say she was better or worse for having lived with us, but I believe we were planting seeds and speaking into her life, and we still pray for her and talk to her; she’s not out of our life entirely. But for the sake of our daughter, she couldn’t stay with us. Now, I know God uses these things and can bring it to remembrance in the future for her benefit. We planted seeds, and the Holy Spirit will water them in His timing. I also believe that He was testing us, to see if we were ready to walk out in what He planned for us. Did we pass the test? I don’t know, but He is unveiling things in us, and changing us, and stretching us in ways we cannot imagine.

If you told me a year ago that I, in particular, would have a heart for people, I would have said you were nuts. I don’t like people, and I don’t like talking to people. But now my home has become a whirlwind of activity, of visits from people. I’ve reconnected with a friend I grew up with, watching his baptism, seen how God has changed his life and set him on fire for God. We now see each other every week for bible study; sometimes two or three times a week. I believe God brought him to us to set US on fire, like he is, and that we were brought to him to make him accountable to someone, and to be strength for him and his family. God is blooming a relationship there in a huge way, and I’m so grateful for it.

I’ve run into a friend from 16 years or so ago whom if you told me he would be going to any church, let alone my church, I would have said you were cracked. Sadly, he has some odd ideas that are not biblical, so I don’t know if I’m here for correction and mentoring as well, or just to pray for truth and sight for him. Time, and God, will tell. But he’s another person back in our life.

There are other people in dire circumstances that are reaching out to US for prayer. We’ve known these people for years and yes, we’ve talked to them and we like and enjoy spending time with them, but I’ve never seen myself as a witness or example for them, or someone I would think that THEY thought they could talk to! Relationships are building there as well and just today I felt led to fast and pray for their circumstances, pleading before God to do a mighty work in their lives.

My sister-in-law and her boyfriend, whom we’ve been praying for years to get to church, have started coming to church. Praise God! Relationship there has been strained for a few years and by the Grace of God it is rebuilding as well and I just pray that the Word sinks in and brings life and conviction and a personal relationship with Jesus.

I took my daughter to the young adults worship service last night. She’s far from being a young adult, but my little girl was praising with her hands high and on bended knee, kneeling before her King. Praise God, it was a sight to bring tears to my eyes! So now I’ve been told (by her) that we’re going every Monday night! I can’t even describe how awesome that is.

My prayer life has gotten deeper, more intense. I am a watchman on the wall. I am standing in the gap for my brothers and sisters in Christ. I bought a whiteboard the other day that is our prayer board and already there are over two dozen names and circumstances on there that will be prayed for daily until there is breakthrough.

Would all of this have come to pass if we hadn’t been obedient to God five months ago and brought this girl into our home for a month? I don’t know, but I don’t believe it would. I think you need to prove to God that you are ready to be responsible with what He wants to give you. If God purposes for you to have an abundance of finances, but you squander what you have on foolish things, well guess what? He won’t give you what He wants to because you are irresponsible with it. Read the parable of the Talents (Matt 25:14-30). You have to prove to God you are ready.

My wife and I always dreamed about having a big home and how we would have people over and have youth group things and whatnot there. How we would be all evangelistic if God blessed us with a large home. Well guess what? God would never give it to us since we weren’t using the home we currently had for His work and His honor and His glory! We could sit there and say “if” until the cows came home, but if we weren’t prepared and willing to use our home now, as modest as it is, for His work, no way were we going to get something better!

I love this quote… I have no idea who wrote it, but:

“If not me, who? If not now, when?”

Well guess what. It is US and it is TODAY! There is such an urgency and a burden in me now to do God’s “thing” (whatever it is!) that I’m taking that leap of faith and letting Him put or pull me wherever He wants me. That is what birthed this site. That is what is birthing vision for great things of what God wants to do in me, and my family, and those around me.

Being obedient WILL change your life. I’ve traded what was unimportant for what is of the utmost importance. So I don’t watch as much TV. So I don’t play video games as much. So I don’t spend as much time doing recreational things. So what! None of that lasts. TV and video games and other recreation is all stuff for the moment… it doesn’t last. It’s not making me a better person. It’s not serving anything or anyone but me, in the “now”. What God is steering us towards is everlasting and of immense consequence. And I know this is just the start of it.

Greater things have yet to come and greater things are still to be done!

I just love what God is doing and how He’s turned my life from being a person willing to give only “so much” and only to certain people, into someone who is shouldering burdens for anyone who asks. And I love seeing this prophetic word start to unfold and if I look at it, I know there is so much more to come. All I have to do to experience it is to humble myself and be obedient, and this is something that my wife and I are sold-out to do.

“But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” (Joshua 24:15b, NKJV)

Amen!!

This is the testimony of how God moved in my life. I was raised in a Christian home. My family and I lived in a trailer park just outside of a big city. We were very poor, but we all loved God and attended church regularly. I was never really liked as a child. Friends were hard to come by, but I didn’t mind too much. We moved into the city into a nice house when I was 13. I attended a new school, where again no one liked me very much. My sister, who was almost 20, left for a program called the Masters Commision in British Columbia. She decided to stay and live there because she felt there was nothing for her where we lived. As I continued to go to youth groups at my church, I found friends there. We were a bit of the “black sheep” type of people, having strange clothing and funny color harido’s, but we liked each other.

When I was a bit into my 14th year, my grandfather died and then my life-long friend who was only 15 overdosed on drugs. It impacted my church friends and I greatly. We stopped hanging out, and went our seperate ways. I slowly stopped going to church and found myself friendless again. I wanted people to like me so bad. So in grade 9 I finally figured out how. I started to say yes to things, and I started to become what others wanted. I’d go to the parties and smoke some weed and drink with them. At school I’d make fun of people, and I began to smoke cigerettes. My life went down hill after this.

I entered high school ready to party. When I was in grade 11, I was introduced to cocaine and crystal meth. I had never done anything like it before. Because cocaine was so expensive and people dont like meth heads, I decided to do ecstasy instead, which is a combination of all drugs in one. Within a year and a bit I had swallowed over 500 pills and had done other numerous amounts of drugs along with it. Life was a blur, and questions were begining to present themselves. Questions like whats next? Why am I here? Is there more? I still belived in God but didn’t want to walk in His ways. At the end of grade 12, I “fell in love” with a woman 5 years older than me. She was smart, sucessful and drug free. I thought this was the answer. So We moved in together and stayed together for two years. I continued smoking pot and drinking alcohol. I realized a year in that life was still not fufilling and I was not happy. I began to drink a lot and my girlfriend and I began to fight more and more, and the fights all the while becoming more and more violent. I needed a change, so I did. I left her and broke her heart, for I had promised to marry her. The next year and a half consisted of numerous women, drugs binges and forgotten nights at the bar.

I was up late one night smoking a joint in the midst of all this, and I started talking to God asking what I was to do, why I felt that destiny was on my shoulders but It wasn’t presenting itself. He answered with the word “patience”. This did not make me happy. I moved from my dad’s house and lived with some friends. Party animal was my title, and I lived up to it. My life consisted of either being completely stoned, or getting drunk and chasing people down the street with machetes. I finally met up with a girl from high school that I had been infatuated with then, and she still held my heart (although she had no clue). I had finally found my answer — until three dates later when she decided to be with another guy. My cries to the Lord became great, and I confessed that it was in His Hands, and that I didn’t know how to fix everything. I rememeber waking up and lighting up a cigarette and looking around my dull ghetto room. The Lord spoke the words I was patiently awaiting for two years: “Its time to go.”

I immediately smiled and picked up the phone to call my sister. “I’m coming to BC, to go to the Master’s Commision” I said. She began to cry. Her prayers had been answered. I left nine months ago, and am still enrolled in the Master’s Commision. Life has never been more satisfying. I can be myself and still be loved. I have not felt this happy since I was a small child. I can truly say Christ is the answer. The love, fufillment, and acceptance I feel is greater than any drug I’ve ever taken. I don’t worry about the future anymore because I’m living it. The freedom I feel can only be described as “real”.

Society lied to me for years about who I was and what I needed, and now I have found my identity. I would like to end with a word of encouragement: If you know someone like me who is doing drastically wrong and seems impossible, we serve a God who is extremely great and can do anything. So don’t stop praying for them, never stop. I dread to think of what would have happened had my sister stopped praying. If you are like me and are looking for answers and you’re stuck in the oblivion of lies that the world has engulfed us in: There is hope, you are not alone and the love and freedom you seek is with Christ who is King. The rules look scary from a distance, and the people seem stuck up and phoney. But society has twisted our perspective on true Christianity, Ned Flanders is a fraud (ha). The rules are there for good reason and make your life infinitely better, and the people are just like you and I, sinners looking for help, love, identity and freedom. It is truly an amazing life. I love you all and pray that God blesses you.

Monica had worked in my house in Africa for a few years, but I had never had the opportunity to see her home. At the news of her brother’s and father’s deaths, I went to offer my comfort.

As I entered the 10-by-12 foot room that housed the fifteen family members, I greeted Monica¹s mother. In the dim light, I noticed that the room had little furniture to offer – two chairs and a bench. I was shown to one of the chairs. Monica’s mother was sitting on a grass mat.

The only window was a slit six inches wide and 12 inches tall. As my eyes adjusted, I could see the room had a fresh coat of paint and well-swept floor. There was no ventilation to cool the room. The sweat dripped from my face and arms. How could they stand to live in this place?

I didn¹t know what to say. I told Monica’s mother I was sorry for her loss. Over the next 30 minutes she proceeded to overwhelm me with gratitude. “If it were not for you hiring my daughter, we would not have paint on the walls. Thank you for the paint. If it were not for you, we would still have our leaky roof. But you helped to fix it and we remain dry at night. If it were not for you, we would be fighting mosquitoes throughout the night. But you helped us get a screen door and screen for the window.” The list went on and on. I had no idea! I thought Monica had used her salary for food.

I had gone to minister to this woman, to share of the hope we have in Christ. I went away ministered to and convicted of my own ungratefulness. Have I ever thanked God for the paint on my walls?

I just felt like I needed to share how God is opening my eyes and growing me. I am most definitely an unfinished work, more coal than diamond, but the Lord is revealing things to me and impressing things upon my heart — particularly the other night. My wife and I are part of a Bible study that for three weeks does a regular Bible study, then on the fourth week go out and do what we’ve been reading about. So we’ve been in Matthew, and as a result we pooled some money and put together some small bags of items for homeless people with the idea that we would wander around downtown and hand them out, witnessing to people.

The bags were quite modest: toothpaste, toothbrush, soap, a comb, shampoo, a pair of socks, some candies and a few other assorted hygiene things, and a business card sized print out of Jeremiah 29:11-13. We chose this because people on the streets need hope (well, we all need hope, but I think they need it in particular), and we wanted to share the fact that God does have good thoughts towards us, and that He wants us to have a future, and hope.

Now, I have to be honest here. I’m not a people person. I’m about as close to an anti-social hermit as you can get while having a family and going to church three times a week. I’m not generally a fan of people — I’m not outgoing, I don’t talk a lot, and I’m quite shy. My appearance probably doesn’t help matters much because I tend to intimidate people (or so I’m told), and my “style” of dress and skin adornments probably doesn’t help either. My wife, on the other hand, is the complete opposite — she talks a lot, she’s bubbly and outgoing, very animated and excited. As you can imagine, this is where God is growing me. Witnessing to street people sounds great, until you actually do it. And, if you’re like me, you’re fervently praying for strength and courage before heading out because this is _WAY_ out of my comfort zone.

The experience was nowhere near as horrible as my over-active imagination told me it would be. God did indeed grant me peace. I wasn’t anxious, I wasn’t nervous. As we were driving to our destination, we’re singing praises in the car and I felt great. Until we ended up at the homeless shelter for men. The idea was to get into the chapel and hand out our goodie bags to the men inside (provided there weren’t too many in the service as we only had about 40 packages). There were enough men in there to give everyone one and have a few left overs, so in we went.

We caught the tail-end of the chapel service and were there to pray over people. It was amazing to see what God was doing there. In a humble, run-down room in a downtown homeless shelter, the Holy Spirit moved. Words of knowledge came about people, hands were laid on them, and I know God did some healing there. And when that was done, it was our turn to bless these men with the packages we had prepared.

It took me until the next day to be able to really articulate what happened there. I think I was almost numb while we handed out these bags; there was a really oppressive feel to the place, and a real drag on my heart. Looking at these men, dressed in dirty clothes, not clean nor smelling the greatest, there was a run of emotions on different faces. There were guys animated and excited that the sandwiches and coffee were available; this may very well have been the only thing they were eating that day. There were those who looked thoughtful, as though pondering what the chaplain had been preaching about. There were those that looked like the only reason they were in a “church service” was to get some food, and they didn’t have anywhere else to be, so why not be there? And then there were those with sad eyes and depressed expressions. They moved slowly, they were quiet, they were embarrassed to have to need or want what we were giving out (which wasn’t much).

One fellow in particular struck me — I still can see his face. He was a normal guy. Someone you’d see in a shopping mall and wouldn’t think twice about. But something happened to him and this was his first night in the shelter. He was so absolutely sad… you could see the despair, the bleakness, just the unveiled emotion on his face as he quietly took what we offered him. He could have been my neighbour, he looked so “normal”. He could have been _me_.

Another older fellow, probably in his 60′s, that my wife has really engaged with had been living in the shelter for two years. Now I don’t know his whole story, but he definitely wanted to get out of there. He had a university degree, but he was an alcoholic. He collects his bottles every day and that’s all he gets. I think my wife was a real blessing to him, talking to him, actually paying attention to him. The new gloves she was wearing came off and she gave them to him — pushing his cart around during the day was causing his fingers to freeze and really hurt (it can get quite cold here). God answered a prayer for her that night, as she had been praying before heading out that she could give those gloves to someone who really needed them.

Another fellow took his boots off right then and there and put his new socks on.

My wife came home excited, feeling like she was Jesus’ Hands and Feet. When she asked me if I felt the same way, I honestly had to answer that I didn’t. With my personality (which I’m praying God changes!) I didn’t really connect with anyone or spend a lot of time talking to any one person. It wasn’t that I was scared or intimidated, but I just didn’t know what to say other than “God bless you”. How can I engage in a conversation with these guys when I have absolutely no idea what it is like to even walk a mile in their shoes? There is no common ground here and if there’s no common ground, I’m lost.

No, she came home excited and I came home with an overwhelming sense of both sadness and extreme gratitude for what God has done for me, and provided me with. I came home with the realization that the cheap coffee and jam sandwich they got after chapel might very well have been their best meal that day and the realization that even my most modest meal would be a gourmet feast for them. I came away with the feeling that I was surrounded by _stuff_ that really meant nothing. I’m not a materialistic person, but over the years when you have your own place, you accumulate _stuff_, and we have lots of stuff because God has really blessed us. I sat in the living room and really saw nothing but meaningless garbage. Yeah, it’s nice, but in the grand scheme of things, does any of it really matter?

I’m not planning on taking a vow of poverty and giving every penny I have to the poor, mind you. I don’t think that’s what God wants me to do, and I think I would be doing my family a disservice since I do work so hard for what I earn. But He has opened my eyes so that I can realize that it is the eternal things that matter. Souls, and eternal destinations. That when I’m blessing dinner and thanking God for it, that now I can _really_ thank Him because I’ve seen first-hand what the alternative is. That buying a new video game or movie really doesn’t matter. That He has to become more of my focus, and that my family has to take priority over so many other things (I’m a bit of a workaholic). That, at the end of the day, even small amounts of generosity to a class of people that most consider worthless can really be a blessing to them, and to really appreciate and not take for granted the family, the job, the home, and the many pairs of socks, that I have.

And we certainly intend to do this again. Maybe next time we can budget out a few of the extras we feel are so necessary (which really aren’t) and use that money to get some more of these packages put together. We had enough just for the men in the chapel and a few on the way out. But there were so many more that would have really appreciated receiving one, yet there was none left. And that was a hard thing as well.

God is growing me, and I’m not really sure where He intends this to go, but wherever it is I know He is with me and that if I obey His Word, He’ll keep me on the straight and narrow path that leads to life, and it’s my prayer that as I go, I can take a whole lot of people with me. Even that night — we didn’t have any miracle conversions or trophies to add to our “Going To Heaven” belt, but I truly believe seeds were planted. And the more seeds that are planted, the more chance there is that when the Holy Spirit waters, those seeds will grow and, I pray, eventually bear good fruit. So if we did nothing more than plant seeds, that is ok. There is no harvest without seeding, so if I’m called to be a sower rather than a harvester, then I’ll be satisfied with where God has called me and is placing me.

I was raised up in a Christian home with two loving parents and a younger sister. We lived in a large city for seven years and then moved to a small town just outside it. In the first few years I had a hard time trying to fit in. The kids that I went to school with treated me harshly. They would beat me up and make fun of me every day. Growing up, I lived in a constant fear of people. My self esteem was very low. I thought that I was different and no good. All the things my classmates said were becoming true in MY MIND. At age ten I remember being in my bedroom and crying franticly, pulling on my hair and holding a knife to my neck screaming that I wanted to die. My mother came in, and seeing me like this told me that she loved me and that all would be alright. The words and actions done to me affected me physically and emotionally and, later in life I found out, spiritually. Thankfully these kids that were so mean to me before had started to treat me with some kind of respect.

Now my life seemed to be going in a direction I liked. I had friends and I played in sports teams, all was well. I even started to have girls liking me, something that was fairly new to me. I was really enjoying these times until the unimaginable happened. My father had come home late one night and as I was trying to sleep, he came and gave me a kiss. I knew something was wrong so I pretended to sleep. When he went upstairs I heard him telling my mom that it was over and he was leaving her. I remember my mother screaming in utter terror as her whole life was being taken from her. She pleaded for my dad to not leave. But he left. I didn’t know how to take this so I built up a wall to protect myself AGAIN! My family and I now had to move back to the big city so that my mother could find work and make a life for us. My mom went first to welfare and got some help from them. Then she found a job during the day and went to school at night. As I write and remember what my mom did I can only thank God for giving my mom the strength to endure this while still trying to cope with the loss of her love. THANKS MOM!!!

As a kid I didn’t see things like this as I do now. I felt really abandoned and all alone. I thought that I was a man now because I had to fend for myself, since both parents were not able to be there for me when I wanted. As I started to look for friends, I found some not in school, but outside school. The outsiders, the hurt, and broken, just like me. This started my years of crime and drug abuse. With such a low self esteem and no real guidance, I was easily influenced into many of the things I chose to do. By fifteen years old I was already in prison. The first time in jail, I spent thirteen months in custody. Because it was such a long time when I got out I was worse than before. I didn’t know what to do except go back to ”MY BROS”. They welcomed me with opened arms. It was nice to be wanted. Positive or negative, I just wanted to be accepted and these friends did that in their own way. As my drug abuse escalated so did my issues around me.

I was getting kicked out of school, arrested and depressed. My first real encounter with suicide was when I was fifteen. I tried to hang myself and never succeeded. The only good thing about that day was that my father acknowledged me in a way that made me feel like I mattered. My father told me that I couldn’t die because I had to keep the family name going. I was so happy that I had a purpose, BUT like every other time in my life things just got worse. My drug abuse was at an all time high. I was using all kinds of drugs. No longer was it just weed and alcohol. I was using crack, acid and many others. During this whole time I had little or no contact with my father. With the high cost of drugs I had to start dealing. I met some people that sold crack and started to provide that to others.

The first day I was supposed to work as a dealer, I heard a voice inside of me say not to go. I knew that I shouldn’t, but I did anyways. Low and behold, the first customer was a cop. I got arrested and charged with trafficking crack. I also had an early charge of aggravated assault for a stabbing when I was drunk and got jumped. Now I was looking at a lot of time in jail. This was my first time in adult prison. It was crazy there. Guys were taking about killing each other, and I was trapped in this place. This is where I cried out to God for help. God did answer, but I didn’t respond back. I ended up getting two and a half years in a federal institution. In jail I really sought after God, but for selfish reasons. I wanted Him to protect me and get me out of there. I made plans when I got out that I was going to build my relationship with my father.

One day after I got out, I decided to go see my father. We had an awesome talk and he even asked if I wanted to help him build a shed. I was so excited. I finally was on a path of reconciling my relationship back with my father. I woke up the next day to find out that my father had killed himself. Now my whole life was thrown in a downward spiral. I wanted to give up on everything. All I ever wanted, all I ever needed was my father and now he was gone forever. So I attempted suicide many times, but by the grace of God I never died. On the night after my father’s funeral, my girlfriend, at the time, said that she was pregnant. I did not know if I was even going to be here much longer. My sister told me that God had given me a life for the one that was taken.

Those words launched me into an uphill battle but I didn’t know where to start. I ended up starting to smoke crack all the more once my daughter was born. I smoked crack to the point of living on the streets. I lost almost everything. During that time I had a new girlfriend and we had a son together. This all did not change my life. I just got worse. Here I was with two beautiful children and an incredible woman backing me up, and I was still living with the mindset of a thirteen year old boy who just lost his father. I tried many drug programs but never succeeded. Then my girl and my Pastor told me about Teen Challenge. I decided to go. From 2006 to 2009 I had attended Teen Challenge twice, and another Christ-centered program in another province. God has shown me so much about who I truly am, and has brought me from a little insecure child to a secure, powerful man of God.

He has healed me completely from my resentments and unforgiveness towards my father and has set me free from my addictions. Today I am married to my soul mate and we have three amazing children, and now the chains that bound my father and his family have been broken. The family name is going to keep on going, and the generations to come will serve the Lord wholeheartedly. My life is no longer filled with so much pain, but is now filled with testimonies of the great power of Jesus in me. I look back at all that I went through, and realized that what I went through was all for a reason, and that was to be a witness of the awesome power of Jesus in this world today, and also a comfort to those that are going through the same thing I did. When I was going through the death of my father I wrote a country song. The chorus went like this: all I ever needed, all I ever wanted, all ever needed was a father indeed. My Father in Heaven spoke to me one day as I sang that song and He said I AM YOUR FATHER AND ALL I EVER WANTED, ALL I EVER NEEDED WAS A SON LIKE YOU!!! The Father that I was searching for was always there for me, through all the things I went through, and I say this to all those that sense that longing for their Father: He is there and He will never leave you nor forsake you. You can count on Him because He is faithful, and as much as you desire Him, He desires you all the more. Thank you God for all you’ve done and all you’re going to do in my life and those around me. I love you Jesus, and give you ALL MY LIFE… not for anything in return, because I already have all that I want or need, and that is You!!! Love your son.

God bless you all, and my prayer for you is that Jesus’ sacrifice and LOVE would become more and more real too you!!!

Scriptures that God has spoken into my life are: 1 Corinthians 1: 26–31, 2 Corinthians 1: 3–7, 2 Corinthians 5: 11–21, and Galatians 2:20.

]]> http://jesusnotme.com/2010/03/all-i-ever-wanted-all-i-ever-needed-was-a-father-indeed/feed/ 1 http://jesusnotme.com/2010/02/testimony-from-canada/ http://jesusnotme.com/2010/02/testimony-from-canada/#comments Sun, 28 Feb 2010 16:47:35 +0000 servant http://jesusnotme.com/?p=27

Before I became a Christian I had little faith in mankind and the future of this world. So much that I did not even want to bring kids into a world with such bleak prospects. I lived for weekends to relax and weekdays to make a living. I was in a rut, living without hope or real purpose. To put things in perspective, the early 1970′s were the years of “make love, not war”, hippies, drugs, parties. The world was going to hell in a hand-basket.

My conversion took place in 1974 while attending a Cal Hays crusade with a number of other people from our church. I became convinced by the Holy Spirit that Jesus could bring hope into my empty life. I went forward and received Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour.

I became involved in teaching adults about the Bible, served as elder and deacon, as teacher and Sunday school superintendent.

While I knew God, my relationship with Him was rather shallow. I was easily offended by wrong actions. I felt righteous when I should be forgiving and understanding.

When I was diagnosed with cancer and later heart problems, some Christian friends stuck with me, supporting me. I knew God was with me, yet I was no closer to Him.

Then, even as my health was improving, my life went into a rut and my marriage was falling apart. Yet God stayed faithful and had a wonderful plan. The last 2 years He has picked me up, showed me how much He loves me and brought me into a new and loving marriage.

Even after my conversion in 1974, God was not 100% part of my life. Now, with His help, He is. Faith, trust, love, guidance and obedience, all have a new meaning now. We decided that our marriage would be “before God.” That was not just for the wedding, that is for the rest of our lives.