This song is called “From the Inside Out” by Hillsong United and can be found on the United We Stand album (I have it from the iWorship 24/7 album, which is a compilation of some really great worship songs).

If you were like me and fed the mood, try breaking through with worship. Guaranteed it works. Lose yourself in worshipping God. You might as well get used to it now… if you are a Christian, this is what we’ll be doing for eternity. Get some practice in!

From the Inside Out – Hillsong United

A thousand times I’ve failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I’m caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

My heart and my soul, I give You control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise, become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

My heart, my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out, O my soul cries out

My Soul cries out to You
My Soul cries out to You
to You, to You

My heart, my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out, O my soul cries out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out, O my soul cries out
From the inside out, O my soul cries out
From the inside out, O my soul cries out.

I just felt like I needed to share how God is opening my eyes and growing me. I am most definitely an unfinished work, more coal than diamond, but the Lord is revealing things to me and impressing things upon my heart — particularly the other night. My wife and I are part of a Bible study that for three weeks does a regular Bible study, then on the fourth week go out and do what we’ve been reading about. So we’ve been in Matthew, and as a result we pooled some money and put together some small bags of items for homeless people with the idea that we would wander around downtown and hand them out, witnessing to people.

The bags were quite modest: toothpaste, toothbrush, soap, a comb, shampoo, a pair of socks, some candies and a few other assorted hygiene things, and a business card sized print out of Jeremiah 29:11-13. We chose this because people on the streets need hope (well, we all need hope, but I think they need it in particular), and we wanted to share the fact that God does have good thoughts towards us, and that He wants us to have a future, and hope.

Now, I have to be honest here. I’m not a people person. I’m about as close to an anti-social hermit as you can get while having a family and going to church three times a week. I’m not generally a fan of people — I’m not outgoing, I don’t talk a lot, and I’m quite shy. My appearance probably doesn’t help matters much because I tend to intimidate people (or so I’m told), and my “style” of dress and skin adornments probably doesn’t help either. My wife, on the other hand, is the complete opposite — she talks a lot, she’s bubbly and outgoing, very animated and excited. As you can imagine, this is where God is growing me. Witnessing to street people sounds great, until you actually do it. And, if you’re like me, you’re fervently praying for strength and courage before heading out because this is _WAY_ out of my comfort zone.

The experience was nowhere near as horrible as my over-active imagination told me it would be. God did indeed grant me peace. I wasn’t anxious, I wasn’t nervous. As we were driving to our destination, we’re singing praises in the car and I felt great. Until we ended up at the homeless shelter for men. The idea was to get into the chapel and hand out our goodie bags to the men inside (provided there weren’t too many in the service as we only had about 40 packages). There were enough men in there to give everyone one and have a few left overs, so in we went.

We caught the tail-end of the chapel service and were there to pray over people. It was amazing to see what God was doing there. In a humble, run-down room in a downtown homeless shelter, the Holy Spirit moved. Words of knowledge came about people, hands were laid on them, and I know God did some healing there. And when that was done, it was our turn to bless these men with the packages we had prepared.

It took me until the next day to be able to really articulate what happened there. I think I was almost numb while we handed out these bags; there was a really oppressive feel to the place, and a real drag on my heart. Looking at these men, dressed in dirty clothes, not clean nor smelling the greatest, there was a run of emotions on different faces. There were guys animated and excited that the sandwiches and coffee were available; this may very well have been the only thing they were eating that day. There were those who looked thoughtful, as though pondering what the chaplain had been preaching about. There were those that looked like the only reason they were in a “church service” was to get some food, and they didn’t have anywhere else to be, so why not be there? And then there were those with sad eyes and depressed expressions. They moved slowly, they were quiet, they were embarrassed to have to need or want what we were giving out (which wasn’t much).

One fellow in particular struck me — I still can see his face. He was a normal guy. Someone you’d see in a shopping mall and wouldn’t think twice about. But something happened to him and this was his first night in the shelter. He was so absolutely sad… you could see the despair, the bleakness, just the unveiled emotion on his face as he quietly took what we offered him. He could have been my neighbour, he looked so “normal”. He could have been _me_.

Another older fellow, probably in his 60′s, that my wife has really engaged with had been living in the shelter for two years. Now I don’t know his whole story, but he definitely wanted to get out of there. He had a university degree, but he was an alcoholic. He collects his bottles every day and that’s all he gets. I think my wife was a real blessing to him, talking to him, actually paying attention to him. The new gloves she was wearing came off and she gave them to him — pushing his cart around during the day was causing his fingers to freeze and really hurt (it can get quite cold here). God answered a prayer for her that night, as she had been praying before heading out that she could give those gloves to someone who really needed them.

Another fellow took his boots off right then and there and put his new socks on.

My wife came home excited, feeling like she was Jesus’ Hands and Feet. When she asked me if I felt the same way, I honestly had to answer that I didn’t. With my personality (which I’m praying God changes!) I didn’t really connect with anyone or spend a lot of time talking to any one person. It wasn’t that I was scared or intimidated, but I just didn’t know what to say other than “God bless you”. How can I engage in a conversation with these guys when I have absolutely no idea what it is like to even walk a mile in their shoes? There is no common ground here and if there’s no common ground, I’m lost.

No, she came home excited and I came home with an overwhelming sense of both sadness and extreme gratitude for what God has done for me, and provided me with. I came home with the realization that the cheap coffee and jam sandwich they got after chapel might very well have been their best meal that day and the realization that even my most modest meal would be a gourmet feast for them. I came away with the feeling that I was surrounded by _stuff_ that really meant nothing. I’m not a materialistic person, but over the years when you have your own place, you accumulate _stuff_, and we have lots of stuff because God has really blessed us. I sat in the living room and really saw nothing but meaningless garbage. Yeah, it’s nice, but in the grand scheme of things, does any of it really matter?

I’m not planning on taking a vow of poverty and giving every penny I have to the poor, mind you. I don’t think that’s what God wants me to do, and I think I would be doing my family a disservice since I do work so hard for what I earn. But He has opened my eyes so that I can realize that it is the eternal things that matter. Souls, and eternal destinations. That when I’m blessing dinner and thanking God for it, that now I can _really_ thank Him because I’ve seen first-hand what the alternative is. That buying a new video game or movie really doesn’t matter. That He has to become more of my focus, and that my family has to take priority over so many other things (I’m a bit of a workaholic). That, at the end of the day, even small amounts of generosity to a class of people that most consider worthless can really be a blessing to them, and to really appreciate and not take for granted the family, the job, the home, and the many pairs of socks, that I have.

And we certainly intend to do this again. Maybe next time we can budget out a few of the extras we feel are so necessary (which really aren’t) and use that money to get some more of these packages put together. We had enough just for the men in the chapel and a few on the way out. But there were so many more that would have really appreciated receiving one, yet there was none left. And that was a hard thing as well.

God is growing me, and I’m not really sure where He intends this to go, but wherever it is I know He is with me and that if I obey His Word, He’ll keep me on the straight and narrow path that leads to life, and it’s my prayer that as I go, I can take a whole lot of people with me. Even that night — we didn’t have any miracle conversions or trophies to add to our “Going To Heaven” belt, but I truly believe seeds were planted. And the more seeds that are planted, the more chance there is that when the Holy Spirit waters, those seeds will grow and, I pray, eventually bear good fruit. So if we did nothing more than plant seeds, that is ok. There is no harvest without seeding, so if I’m called to be a sower rather than a harvester, then I’ll be satisfied with where God has called me and is placing me.