All I ever wanted, all I ever needed was a Father indeed

Mar 17

servantStories , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

This is a very powerful testimony that truly speaks of how God loves and longs for the broken-hearted and how, if we let Him, He can do amazing and powerful things in our life.

I was raised up in a Christian home with two loving parents and a younger sister. We lived in a large city for seven years and then moved to a small town just outside it. In the first few years I had a hard time trying to fit in. The kids that I went to school with treated me harshly. They would beat me up and make fun of me every day. Growing up, I lived in a constant fear of people. My self esteem was very low. I thought that I was different and no good. All the things my classmates said were becoming true in MY MIND. At age ten I remember being in my bedroom and crying franticly, pulling on my hair and holding a knife to my neck screaming that I wanted to die. My mother came in, and seeing me like this told me that she loved me and that all would be alright. The words and actions done to me affected me physically and emotionally and, later in life I found out, spiritually. Thankfully these kids that were so mean to me before had started to treat me with some kind of respect.

Now my life seemed to be going in a direction I liked. I had friends and I played in sports teams, all was well. I even started to have girls liking me, something that was fairly new to me. I was really enjoying these times until the unimaginable happened. My father had come home late one night and as I was trying to sleep, he came and gave me a kiss. I knew something was wrong so I pretended to sleep. When he went upstairs I heard him telling my mom that it was over and he was leaving her. I remember my mother screaming in utter terror as her whole life was being taken from her. She pleaded for my dad to not leave. But he left. I didn’t know how to take this so I built up a wall to protect myself AGAIN! My family and I now had to move back to the big city so that my mother could find work and make a life for us. My mom went first to welfare and got some help from them. Then she found a job during the day and went to school at night. As I write and remember what my mom did I can only thank God for giving my mom the strength to endure this while still trying to cope with the loss of her love. THANKS MOM!!!

As a kid I didn’t see things like this as I do now. I felt really abandoned and all alone. I thought that I was a man now because I had to fend for myself, since both parents were not able to be there for me when I wanted. As I started to look for friends, I found some not in school, but outside school. The outsiders, the hurt, and broken, just like me. This started my years of crime and drug abuse. With such a low self esteem and no real guidance, I was easily influenced into many of the things I chose to do. By fifteen years old I was already in prison. The first time in jail, I spent thirteen months in custody. Because it was such a long time when I got out I was worse than before. I didn’t know what to do except go back to ”MY BROS”. They welcomed me with opened arms. It was nice to be wanted. Positive or negative, I just wanted to be accepted and these friends did that in their own way. As my drug abuse escalated so did my issues around me.
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